Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
