I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
