Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
