so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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