We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
