Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
