my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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