Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
