I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
