He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
