so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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