pop tarts are not kleenex
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
