He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
