worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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