You're so nebulous sometimes
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
