I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
