It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
