I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
