I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
