My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
