wrigley field is MILF paradise
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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