im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
