At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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