You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
