mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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