Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
