am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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