I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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