Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
