This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
