Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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