New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
