Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
