ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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