How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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