my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
