new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
