I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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