hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
