there's paper in my vomit.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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