he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
