I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
