your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
