We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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