i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
