we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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