My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
