so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
