Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
