There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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