So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
